I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Randomize
