you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
