You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Randomize
