she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
