i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
My ? Is...... Would it be sweet or creepy to take a girl on a first date to chigago?
creepy.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
Randomize
