for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
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