Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
