well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
