She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
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