I think my fart just growled at me.
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Randomize
