i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
