Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
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