i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
