hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
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