He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Randomize
