You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
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