I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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