Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
