Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
