The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
