just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
no more duck duck goose at the bar
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
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