i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
