JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
i think i have two assholes
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
Randomize
