So drunk its hurt
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
