remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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