I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
That accounts for only three of the penises
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize