I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
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