Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
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