I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Randomize
