I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Shame is for Republicans.
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