She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Randomize
