I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
