no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Randomize
