Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Randomize
