I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Randomize
