you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
