My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
