He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
