I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
you have to choose: penises or morals?
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
