the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Randomize
