his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Randomize