Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Randomize
