She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
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