I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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