I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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