it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
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