as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
