The maid of honor just puked.
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
love makes seman taste better
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
