also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
