ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
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