her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
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