I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize