is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
