we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Randomize
