saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
then he tried to convert me to islam
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
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