So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
