Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Randomize
