she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
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