when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
If its not for food we ain't going out.
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