someone get that fucking seahorse.
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
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