Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
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