Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize