just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Randomize
