you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
She told me I should be a condom model.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
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