I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
