??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
