ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
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