I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
