Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
Randomize
