She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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