pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
